Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
