She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize