Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
