i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Randomize