I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
