I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
