Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
