forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
