How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
