I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
time to smoke my breakfast
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize