Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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