eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
