she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
