why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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