I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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