I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
ok first of all what the fuck
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
