also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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