My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm both gender and math confused
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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