During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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