my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
His nipple licking is glorious
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