Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
