turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The power of my boobs compel you
I would fuck him just for his dog
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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