Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
