New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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