false alarm. still invincible.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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