the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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