I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
