no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
