see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
