And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
