Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
