I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
