I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize