I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
