I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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