dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
