put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
