Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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