did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
