I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
