Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
