If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
