one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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