Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize