Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
