Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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