Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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