I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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