My hand turned me down
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
