I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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