left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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