dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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