Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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