So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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