I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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