So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
