i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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