Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i think i just lost a toe
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
