Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
