jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
