God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Be still, my beating vagina.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
