I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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