I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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