Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
