Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
