half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
