I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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