Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
