just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
