every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
