i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
